but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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