you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
