I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
