The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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