It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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