That's intense
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
