Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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