oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
