R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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