New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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