dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
