Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize