Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
