I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
