if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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