She's JV to your varsity
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
