Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize