i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
