Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Mom said you looked used
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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