she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
