when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
