My brain says no but my pants say off.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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