aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
