WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
