I wannas sexs uuuuu
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
