Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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