WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
