Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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