Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
