the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
