remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize