dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
