Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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