I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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