actually, I'm a sock model
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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