the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i was born a porn star she said
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
