My nipple is on Facebook.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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