I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
