Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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