You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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