He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
