It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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