i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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