do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
