I wanna passion pit in your ass
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
