What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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