hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
