I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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