i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
