Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
