i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize