I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
