We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
