can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it because I queefed?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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