What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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