I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
