went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
