I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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