You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This is the high leading the old right now
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
