booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
