Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think my vagina is haunted
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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