I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
