Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize