You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
