maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
