We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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