Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
