I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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