If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
