yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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