there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
