I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am available for nakedness
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
